27 Reasons Why You Just Can’t Write that Paper Right Now

1. You were trying to go to the library but it took too goddamn long to cross Sheridan. 2. The government was shut down. 3. You were looking for the crepe place in Norris. 4. You got impaled by a biker so now you lie bleeding. 5. You were writing a strongly worded letter to your local congressman. 6. You JUST started Breaking Bad on Netflix. 7. You neglected to change your netID password so you got locked out of Blackboard. 8. It’s cold. 9. They haven’t announced the headliner for Dillo. 10.  You drunk dialed your grandma instead. 11. They got your name wrong at Starbucks so Jesus too outraged to write. 12. You had 5 other midterms this week. 13. IFC was making rounds. 14. You were chain-smoking by the Rock (enjoy this liberty while you still can). 15. You were snapchatting Anthony Wiener. 16. You were too busy promoting your various student groups over social media. 17. You were thinking up the most culturally offensive Halloween costume imaginable. 18. Your TA is a total dick. 19. This prompt is too open-ended. 20. You didn’t do the reading. 21. You lost the prompt and it’s not posted on Blackboard and it is wayyyyyyy too embarrassing to ask for another copy the day before it’s due. 22. MasterChef is on. 23. You are waiting until 3am to start it so you can brag tomorrow about how you pulled an all-nighter. 24. You’ve been staring at a blank Word document for so long that you are starting to appreciate the beauty in mundane things. 25. You always get marked off for incorrect citations anyway. 26. Intros are hard. 27. You really just fucking don’t want to write this thing.